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…has been told she looks like a cross between Shirley Jones and Martin Short so she decided to let her hair grow out. Before longer hair, Kristi performed in the Broadway show Cats for 85 years playing the short stumpy one.
(Rumpleteazer for you theatre nerds). Besides appearing in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying opposite Matthew Broderick, she's also played a dog, that fella in green tights, a girl with big boobs and an oyster.
After appearing in over 70 television commercials (ok - that's true) playing a mom and having kids - she decided to become one.
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She's spent the last 10 years in corporate America selling software and trying to learn how to use words like "EBITDA", "sub-optimal" and "risk mitigation" to sound smart. But then she just bought some fake glasses and all was good. Kristi has won a lot of advertising and marketing awards for making corporate films that are actually funny and drive revenue. (Ooh - another good set of words.)
For some reason Brooke thinks Kristi knows what she's doing, is organized and is good at business. Kristi just told Brooke her glasses are fake. Kristi feels strange talking about herself in the third person.
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...is a semi-licensed Therapist from West Covina. She is the author of "How To Raise An Amazing Child, Without Getting Upstaged." She teaches you how identify whether your child is a winner or a loser.
Dr. Joy holds a regular six-week intense baby stepping parents towards baby amazingness. She instructs you on when to start your baby training, wearin makeup and baby modeling (if your baby's pretty). Dr. Joy helps you to align your baby with other winner baby's.
Dr. Joy helps you baby get spiritual fast. She teaches you how to mimic other celebrity babies, and shows you how to make your baby popular. If your baby is just average, this is the semi-expert to help you catapult your baby - to - baby above averageness!
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In her free time Dr. Joy enjoys inventing stuff, making friends with old people and nude dancing alone with a smooth glass of merlot.
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KEEPING US OUT OF JAIL:
Kristi Lynes
(GRACEFULLY CLEVER)
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LOCATION:
LOS ANGELES, CA.
OCCUPATION:
CORPARATE DRONE, MOMMY, BURRITO IMPRESSIONIST
FAVE STUFF:
WINE, BROADWAY AND BALLROOM - ALL TO PISS OFF BROOKE.
STUFF SHE HATES:
REPLY ALL EMAILS, PEOPLE WHO SAY, "QUITE FRANKLY" AND SAMANTHA ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS".
IF I HAD A SUPER POWER IT WOULD BE:
ADJUSTING BOOB SIZE FOR ACTIVITY LEVEL - FOR MYSELF AND THE WORLD.
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