So, I have finished my book and am in a mild depression without it. But, figured I’d take the time to catch up. Every time I return, I vow to get more consistent, then life, apathy and angst intervene… It’s naptime though now so I’m stealing a minute. This will be a scatter-brained re-cap because so much has gone on. UPS: Max is “reading”. Slowly and with effort but it’s kind of amazing. I hope he takes to it like I did. If I can pass anything GOOD through my DNA I am hoping this is one… Another, everlasting immaturity. Another up: bootcamp is going well. While a couple camps are “slim” w/ summer vacationers and whatnot- others are VERY BIG. These are my “Mommy-based” camps with so many families staying home instead of traveling- why not work out? Love these campers. They help me everyday. UP: Doug. He just makes me laugh and love life even in the leanest times. Money- or lack thereof, is our greatest pressure and- while so many couples crumble under the stress of it- we seem to be rallying. Just sitting down and making a “game plan” seemed to relieve so much of that unknown, free floating anxiety. UP: Insurance finally approved and I got my MRI. Yes, they refused it initially because they are governed by satanic forces and Republicans. Mammograms are hard for me now because I don’t have a lot of “tissue:” to be squashed into that machine, so I need MRI’s to properly screen. Well, seems insurance only covers ONE. Period. Ever. Deeming others, “unnecessary”. Well, F-U very much, Anthem. My oncologist started his campaign- he was fully prepared for this- he deals with this type of BS every day- and got approval on the 3rd try. I went in last Wednesday and am awaiting, anxiously, my results. Sitting in that LOUD, insane tube for 45 minutes, completely still, just lets your brain go. One of the things that crossed my mind is how this type of test/activity is “normal” for me now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nerve-wracking and anxiety provoking and sparks resentment to no end but.. it is my deal now. Odd. So, I wait. I still have 1-2 surgeries left to go but we simply can’t afford the down time/loss of work and the deductible…. One Nipple McGee lives on.
DOWNS: We’re broke as ever. Have nasty credit card debit piling up and are in the process of trying to sort our own way out (with x-ferring balances, payment schedules, and cutting out every possible “extra” that we can…again.) since our re-fi did not happen and has a snowball’s chance in hell since we’re both unemployed and banks are…”cautious” to say the least. So, we buckle down, again. The only option I have to try and contribute MORE than the bootcamp is to return to writing and I can’t seem to pull the trigger on that. I suppose there’s something psychological at the root but, to tell the truth, I’m just too damn tired to try and dredge that crap up and “examine” it right now. Denial seems like a more restful option. Still, every day I see this bulletin board with the 5 index cards of a LONG abandoned project and it mocks me. I leave it there to do exactly that and every day- I avoid this blog in the same way. It’s on me- I know this, yet can’t seem to find the impetus to dig my way out. Other DOWN: My mom is drifting. It’s inevitable with Alzheimer’s but, every time I go visit, she’s a little slower to recognize me. Confuses the kids with friends’ kids, confuses me with her sister, etc- and every time she loses more of her Goddamned teeth. Seriously. She has a buncha partials in cause she’s lived on junk food and candy for 30+ years (You can bet your ass I’m flossing like a crack-head every night in light of this) and she just takes them out and… Well, we don’t know what. See I, the nurses, the techs and my Aunt have all SCOURED her rooms, her old apt, her dressers, pockets and more and… Nada. I have this vision of her taking one out, sneaking out of the home at 4am, taking a bus to Riverside, burying it, then returning. Well, I’m done replacing them- NO $ and they’re done so we’ll wait until she looks like one of those shrunken Apple-head things and see what to do then. Through it all- she’s still as funny, sassy and sarcastic as ever AND will NEVER forget that she’s a smoker. The ONE thing that might be beneficial to “leave behind” and it’s ironclad… DOWN: We are facing tuition for Max AND Scout this month (for September) and aren’t sure how we’ll do that. GOD I HATE THIS COUNTRY’S EDUCATION SYSTEM!!! THIS STATE ESPECIALLY! The fact that we’ll eventually have to pay $750.00 a MONTH for PRE-SCHOOL; coloring, painting and recess?!!! Makes me wanna get in a guntower with a rifle. The fact that our public schools- even the ones here in Burbank- “Blue Ribbon Schools” are so sub-standard that we are provided little option but to go private or Catholic to insure our kids’ entry into good colleges…? REALLY?! We’re a f-ing SUPERPOWER? We spend MORE on PRISON INMATES than we do one our CHILDREN- I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE!!?
…Annnyyyway- we don’t even know where Scout will be going in Sept. she’s enrolled at Laurel (Where Max went) but it’s too expensive and in the opposite direction of Max’s school BUT the times are great 8:30-2:45 fits perfectly with our current groups/schedule & Max’s. Our other choice is a smaller school, a teeny bit cheaper and “on the way” to Max’s school BUT they only have openings 1:30-3:30 which screws us in every way, as well as her & nap. We have about 2 weeks to figure it out. WHEE. That’s my purge for now- hopefully will get more “regular”… Peace.